Seriously ever wondered what makes kids happy?

You wouldn’t be alone.

Happiness is all about perception and is in effect a state of mind, so when we talk about happiness in kids, we are in essence talking about emotional intelligence, security, and safety.

Contrary to popular belief, emotional intelligence is a learned skill, rather than you just being born with it.

This will allow them to thrive in the long term, much more than the next phone, game, lolly, or anything else that they may be wishing or even begging for.

According to psychologist …. The single most important determinant of nurturing happy healthy children is teaching them about your family history.

WHY IS YOUR FAMILY NARRATIVE IMPORTANT

Children like to know where they come from as it increases their sense of belonging, identity, security, and safety.

In essence, our family story could be considered the secret sauce that helps to bind us together.

Knowing seemingly simple details about your life and upbringing and that of your parents (their grandparents) helps to support their development.

In fact, an American Psychologist Sara Duke who worked with children with disabilities noted that children who know more about their family history tend to do better when faced with challenges.

Two more psychologists wanted to test out Sara Duke’s observation and developed a measure called the “Do you know” scale that asked children 20 questions.

The overwhelming conclusion was the more that children know about their lives, the stronger their sense of control, self-esteem increases and the more likely to have positive associations with how well their family functions.

These children also showed signs of being better equipped to be able to moderate stress, be resilient, and feel secure, even when facing significant threats.

In addition, the story of your family shapes longer-term thinking patterns, we will go into more information about this in a moment.

WHAT KINDS OF DETAILS ARE WE TALKING ABOUT

Do your children know….

• Where you and your partner were born
• The area in which you grew up
• Where you went to school
• Any serious illnesses that people in the family have had
• The story of your birth
• The struggles, successes and up and down journey that the collective family has traveled
• What important milestones and lessons you have learnt along the way

Then apply the same ideas and stories for your parents (the childs’ grandparents).

WHICH STORIES ARE THE MOST INFLUENTIAL

Families can sometimes self-identify with specific stories or memories and influential moments in history as an important facet of their life.

In essence, the genetic story, cultural history, and the environments in which they lived are all important elements.

There are three types of stories identified.

1. The ascending story.

This is where the family may describe itself from coming from nothing and saying look how far we have come.

2. The descending story

The tale follows a core pathway of this is what we once had and now we only have this (we lost everything).

3. The oscillating family narrative

This is considered the most healthy one of all.

This is where the family story endures the ups and downs of life (which we all experience), including some successes, the failures, or unfortunate events and how the family stuck together during challenging times.

In effect, this helps to build family traditions and helps to facilitate the feeling of connectedness and the sense of the family unit.

It’s the concept of knowing where you come from.

It doesn’t just apply to kids or adults who are curious about their upbringing if they were adopted, or born via a donor, it applies to everyone.

In fact, many adults feel a sense of closeness or even closure by learning more about the family roots.

Learning to tell family stories, including the many positives, and bouncing back from challenges faced will not only benefit the current generation but may have a positive impact on those to come.

How can you apply the secret sauce and nurture happy and healthy kids in your family?